Today will be a good day.
Parents are out for the weekend, and I have 20 bucks.
Eating ramen noodles watching Sister Act and drinking diet coke
Gonna get my cute clothes on( hopefully) and go out on a date.
I'm nervous as hell.
But I'm learning to trust myself.

My hair whisked in the wind like a tangled jungle. Your bitter sweet smile transformed this petite girl into a confident tiger. My hands slithered on top of yours, and your fingers caught mine into a trap. I felt lost in the essence of you, your fine lips, your beautiful dimples. Staring at your eyes, I already missed you. I fell into your pupils and the curves of your soft arms.

Everything I touch turns to shit.
When is it my turn? I keep asking myself. The world keeps revolving, but it left me on mars to smoke cigarettes with a foul meteoroid...
There are some days when I want to run away to Indianapolis, become my own woman, and run with the clouds. What college am I going to. Where the fuck am I. I don't know.
There is an open field, with dancing wheat crops and flowing dandelions. I'm searching, I'm running, the clouds behind my tail and my eyes focused on what is in front of me.
Yet, I don't see it. yet.

I haven't written in here in (which seems like) weeks. I'm lonely. I think that becoming homeless in Europe sounds more exciting than my life at the moment. I'm scrounging for new music and avoiding cleaning my room. I feel disgusting, devastated, and definitely depressed. All I do is sit and dream and wish that my life would pick up, speed ahead of the torrent, and wind itself into my head. I just want to go to college already and leave this wretched place behind. Television doesn't satisfy me anymore, and my heart is cracking, bruising, and bleeding through all my hushed up tears. I want to cry. I want to get a piercing. I want to get a tattoo. I want to just change, have something mind blowing, mind altering.

I dragged my feet on the carpet as the sun quickly rose out of my drapes to pour on my bedsheets. The sun just felt like another lonesome emotion...

I cannot stop listening to the Counting Crows, sitting here, contemplating my life like an 80 year old woman.Wishing I'd done more... looking at how far I've gotten all for nothing. My sentence structure is fucked up. My mind is splattered. My hands feel like arthritis. I think I left my soul somewhere else. Or mailed it somewhere better than here. I can't remember...

Have you Seen me Lately? The Counting Crows

Get away from me
Get away from me, this isnt gonna be easy
But I dont need you
Believe me
You got a piece of me
But its just a little piece of me
And I dont need anyone
And these days I feel like Im fading away
Like sometimes when I hear myself on the radio
Have you seen me lately?
Have you seen me lately?
I was out on the radio
starting to change
Somewhere out in america, its raining
Could you tell me one thing you remember about me
And have you seen me lately?
I remember me
And all the little things that make up a memory
Like she said she loved to watch me sleep
Like she said:
Its the breathing, its the breathing in and out and in and...
Have you seen me lately?
I was out on the radio starting to change
Somewhere out in america its raining
Could you tell me one thing you remember about me
And have you seen me lately?
I guess I thought that someone would notice
I guess I thought somebody would say something
If I was missing
Cant you see me?
Come on color me in
Come on color me in
Give me your blue rain
Give me your black sky
Give me your green eyes
Come on give me your white skin
Come on give me your white skin
Come on give me your white skin
I was out on the radio starting to change
Somewhere out in america, its raining
Could you tell me one thing you remember about me
And have you seen me lately?
Have you seen me lately

She awoke to the hands of the moon on her pillow.